I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Enjoy the penises
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
