I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
