Dude my mom stole all your condoms
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
