hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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