The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
