it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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