As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
