I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
