Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
