if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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