I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
