Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
