Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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