today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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