please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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