he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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