woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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