Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
