So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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