gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
