watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
