I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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