I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
