is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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