Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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