he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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