i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize