Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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