Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
