Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
