I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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