Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish life had little blips of pornography
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
