i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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