Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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