..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
even my farts smell like vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
