Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
