did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
