theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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