I think I am morally bankrupt
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
