I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
