the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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