My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
