I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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