I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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