i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
