he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
