I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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