so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
