one might say we're banned from that church
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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