We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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