I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
