Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
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I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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