There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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