I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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