maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
