Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
