do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
