So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
