im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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