He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
