Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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