When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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