You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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