Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
