the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
