I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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