She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Randomize
