so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
