that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
