I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
There's a naked man in my car right now.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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