There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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