She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
