God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
