Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
