His pubic hair was longer than his dick
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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