Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
