i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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