I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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