Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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